He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
