Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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