just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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