between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
