he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
