If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
