Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize