At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
