i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
