The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
