Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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