What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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