We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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