oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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