its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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