You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sext me about skeletons
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
