no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
