The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
