Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
