hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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