the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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