and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
