How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This baby is an asshole
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
