i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
