the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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