Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
