I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
