You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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