We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize