I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize