The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
