I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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