We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
