At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
