At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize