i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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