Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
tell me about the eggs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
