i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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