based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
