Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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