Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
