You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
