I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
