Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
