The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
where does the pee come out of this thing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
