Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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