I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
