paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
