you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
