Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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