the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
