Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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