and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
