There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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