If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
