I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
