Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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