stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
