D3 body, D1 cock
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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