PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
