I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Too much gin, very little bucket
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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