it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
