i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
