But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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