You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
