Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
