I think scott just propositioned me for sex
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
