Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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