we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
