I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
