Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
