i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
