So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
