What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
