amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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