I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
