he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
