Apparently you make a good broom.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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