smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
