I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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