This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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