He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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