i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
