she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
