Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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