Christians are straight up FREAKS
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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