May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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