please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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