There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
