please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
