so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
