Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
