hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
