I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
