My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
