I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
