thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
