apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
