I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
