There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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