I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
