DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
