She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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