Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
