what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
