Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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