if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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