how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
